


i’d encourage your smiles, i’d expect you won’t cry

by KayCeeCruz



Series: Love's Tender Refrain [2]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-28
Updated: 2011-11-28
Packaged: 2017-10-26 15:23:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/284832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayCeeCruz/pseuds/KayCeeCruz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Excerpts of Brian and Justin's life.</p><p>This is a ten part series inspired by this meme I saw floating around. The gist of it was: put your iTunes on shuffle, and write a drabble based on each of the first ten songs that play. Don’t linger when the song is over, this is an exercise. Though this series ranges in length from drabblish to ficlet to not so ficlet.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i’d encourage your smiles, i’d expect you won’t cry

_I’d encourage your smiles, I’d expect you won’t cry.  
(The End - My Chemical Romance)_

2.

It hadn’t been a call he’d expected or wanted to receive. It’s been a bad week. Art department had fucked up on a major project and Brian had to apologize. He fucking hated to do that. Ted and Cynthia had their hands full with two new clients and so the rest was up to him. They’d been working fourteen-hour days. There had been a small fire at the diner and Debbie was beside herself about it. Emmett was broken-hearted over another failed affair and Brian had spent way too long snapping him out of his depression.

And Justin hadn’t been able to make it back for the weekend. That had been the worst part.

So, when the phone rang at four o’clock in the morning, waking him up from the first decent sleep he’d had in forever, Brian hadn’t been in the best mood.

“Someone better be fucking dead” was what he growled into the receiver. His functioning brain cells began to wake up and realize that what he had just said, in his family, was more than just a possibility.

“Well, someone is.”

He sprang up in bed, hand gripped the phone hard enough that it cracked against the strength. “Jennifer?” His mind would not go there. No. No. No.

“Yeah. I’m sorry to wake you up, Brian. I just don’t know what to do.” Her sniffles came through clearly but the tone in her voice, though sad, was calm. Not hysterical. Not incoherent. His heart sped down, repositioning itself back in his chest. Okay. It wasn’t Justin. Brian let out a silent prayer. And it wasn’t Molly.

Thank fucking whatever deities existed.

“What happened?”

“Craig’s dead.”

He bit back the reflex response of “So?” that immediately sprang to mind and covered his face. Shit. Justin. “Does he know?”

“Not yet. I don’t know how to tell him.” He heard the pleading in her voice and sighed.

“I’ll take care of it, Jennifer.”

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

He refused to blush at that and hung up quickly. Deep breath before hitting the speed dial. The ringing sounded distant with all the thoughts of what he was supposed to say ringing in his ears. But when he heard the click, the sleep fogged voice greeting him, he hadn’t been able to stop the small smile.

“Another round? Not that I’m complaining. Phone sex with you is better than anything with someone else.”

“Justin.”

His tone must have belied the seriousness because Justin went quiet instantly and then softly asked, “What happened?”

“It’s your -- it’s Craig. He’s dead.”

“Oh.”

And that really was all Justin could say. They made plans for Justin to fly home on the next available flight. Then, Brian called Cynthia, who he would have to make full partner for all the shit he put her through, and she promised to get on all the arrangements. There was still work to be done. When it was light enough he called Debbie, passing on the news, knowing she would let everyone else know.

He almost canceled his early morning meeting but Justin wouldn’t allow it. He swore he would meet him after work. Something about having to go see his father’s mother and Craig‘s widow. Brian didn’t like it but said nothing. He called a car company and made sure they would be there to pick Justin up.

The afternoon dragged on and it took every bit of willpower that Brian possessed to keep his mind in the game at his meetings. As soon as the more urgent business was finished, he rushed home, practically breaking land speed records getting to the loft. He wanted to be at the house but knew that it would be easier and better for Justin to be closer to his mother and Molly.

When he walked into the loft, he tripped over Justin’s bag and despite everything, Brain smiled to himself.

His gaze found Justin sitting quietly on the couch, head turned to look out the window, shoulders slumped just a bit. He sensed Brian’s approach because he turned, smiling at him though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Hey.”

Brian sat next to him, leaning in, touching Justin’s lip softly with his own, tongue licking when the mouth beneath his opened. They stayed that way for a long time, just breathing each other, until Justin pulled away, taking a deep breath and then leaning his cheek on Brian’s. “I missed you, too.”

 

###

 

Funerals had never been a situation Brian handled well in any way. Most of the ones he attended, not counting his old man, had been of people that he had cared deeply for. He preferred the ones where he didn’t care about the dead person. Like at that moment. Like Craig’s funeral.

The only problem that Craig’s funeral held for Brian was how much it hurt those that he loved. Justin, Jennifer and Molly were in pain. Each showing it or in Justin’s case, not showing it, in their own ways. He watched Justin’s face tense when the sobbing of Craig’s widow and mother drowned out the sermon that was being given. He could feel his anger when Craig’s other children were comforted by his father’s family while he and his sister were ignored. And something else. Something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

Brian glanced to his side, seeing his own chosen family lined up next to him, standing in support. He knew that Justin couldn’t see it now but he had all the comfort he needed right there.

When it was time to throw the roses on the coffin, Brian watched as Justin and Molly were relegated to the back. His jaw clenched tightly, breath slowly released between his teeth. It wasn’t enough they had to mourn an asshole that didn’t deserve them but they had to endure the same shitty treatment that Craig had given them from those that were supposed to be family. Molly chose not to wait, pushing past the others, she threw her rose into the grave, without a glance back and walked toward Brian and the rest.

He held a hand out to her automatically and she took it, wrapping small fingers around his and turning to wait for Justin and Jennifer who’d chosen to stay at the end. Brian glanced down at her and smiled, proudly. The kid had guts. When he looked back at Justin, he found him staring, the faintest trace of a smile on his own face.

 

###

 

“I don’t feel anything.”

Brian kept his eyes closed, tightening his hold on Justin the only response he gave. He had been waiting for this. If he admitted it, he had been hoping for it. Justin needed to let something out. Even if it was disinterest.

Justin’s hands squeezed his arm for a moment before loosening once more. “I don’t. I want to. You know, he was my father. He raised me for more than half my life…so far. He loved me once.”

Brian sighed. “Yes. He did all those things.”

Justin half-turned, and Brian opened his eyes to see light reflecting in Justin‘s, weary but alive. “But…when I think of him…what I feel right now…is just…nothing. Not even emptiness. That would be something.”

Brian kissed the tip of Justin’s nose. “You loved your father, Justin. Once. The boy you used to be…he’s mourning somewhere inside. But the man you are…doesn’t have to.”

Justin sighed. “I know that. I do. I just wish it was…different. That he hadn’t ended this way.” Turning his back once more, Justin pushed back deeper into Brian’s neck. “It would make me less of a horrible person.”

Brian leaned up slightly, shaking Justin. “Listen to me. Are you listening?”

There was a slight pause, an exaggerated sigh and a response that held just a hint of amusement. “I’m listening.”

“You love your father. The one that raised you and still exists in your memories. This man that died? That wasn’t your father. He was a stranger. So, don’t you fucking dare feel guilty about how you’re reacting or about how you feel.” Brian kissed the shell-shaped ear within his reach. “Cause that guy you buried today isn’t worth it.”

Justin brought his hand back, touching Brian softly on his cheek. “Sometimes, you amaze me.”

“Only sometimes?”

Justin’s laugh rattled out into the pitch dark around them and Brian almost smiled at the sound.

It would be fine now.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback loved and appreciated. Leave here or at [LJ](http://freakykat.livejournal.com/155405.html?mode=reply#add_comment)


End file.
